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'How would I ever integrate?What could I do?I have no qualifications.I didn't even finish high school.It was too overwhelming to contemplate.Conversely it felt safe in here.It was true I suppose that I was institutionalized.Even if I couldn't remember it, I'd clearly spent so much time herethat it became a haven.But I knew I had to be brave or I would never evolve. And morespecifically I suppose, never leave.The medications blunted my emotions. Although I still felt things. Toan extent. Everything was just more subdued. It was if my colour wheelhad been ransacked and all the bright ones discarded leaving the moresubtle hues. I know it had to be done. Things had to be that way.Trouble was it made my interaction with people much more pedestrian. Iknew I should make friends, it was just really hard. With one exceptionthough.Tim. Once he was shaved, showered and suitably treated he was probablythe most enticing company of all the choices I had.It's not that I specifically had any romantic. They said I’d fucking lost it, said I was off my head. This was the first time I’d ever wanked off outside and I was doing it naked in front of people coming out of the offy. This bloke – a big fucker – he said I was a dirty queer, said if I didn’t put my clothes back on he’d knock me out. So I just stood there right in front of him, spread my legs, pushed my hips forward, pointed my purple-headed dick right at him and had a dirty big wank. Ha!I went, “Oooh! Look at my dick! Look how big it is!”And I wanked of right in front of him. He called me a weirdo and then he fucked off. Ha! I freaked him out big time.I told my mates to get their dicks out.“Come on’ lads. Let’s have a mass wank outside the offy!”At first they was a bit scared like so I went and pulled Jamie’s trackies down coz I could see he had a boner in his trackies. When his dick sprang up all naked in the open air that started all the other boys off then. One by one the lads dropped their trackies. They was all up for it.
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